LUNA  | 
'I don’t want a shoulder to lean on. I don’t need it. The whole idea of “Someone, that special someone!” is for me, a load of shit. I must be fully contained. No leakage, no spillover. Dependency is weakness. It’s such a lie. Lying there in bed, in your lover’s arms. 'She’s behind me, she believes in me!' No one is behind me. I am behind me. I believe in me. I don’t need any support group to keep my head together. I know what I have to do, so I should shut up and do it.' []

in six years I’ll look back

and hardly remember you at all

I’ll forget your last name

and the way your lips pout when you’re upset

I’ll forget about the glimmer in your eyes when you looked at me

and the sound of your voice

But I will never

ever

forget how you made me feel;

a l o n e.

forgetfulness is the only form of freedom I’ll ever know.

I wish people meant the shit they say

I have been a ghost for so long that I have started to be invisible even to myself. I look at me and I can’t see myself anymore. Who i’ve become. Who I was. Who I am. I don’t know anything anymore. 

Maybe love isn’t permanent. Maybe love isn’t real. Maybe its a figment of our imagination. Maybe one day we’ll wake up and realize our life is not our own. Maybe reality is our dreams. Maybe our dreams are reality. Maybe the only dreams we’re capable of dreaming are nightmares, and Maybe our nightmares are the only thing that could ever be permanent, could ever be real. 

words are precious and they shouldn’t be said if the meaning’s behind them aren’t 100% genuine.

All the shadows killed my light.

why do I always want what I can’t have?

Trying to convince myself that you are not beautiful is like trying to convince the sun not to shine. It’ll only shine down brighter. Burning me. Penetrating heat leaving marks all over my body. That’s exactly what your beauty does to me. It scars me.

You skinned me alive, with nothing left to give. I have nothing left to show. Nothing left to feel. You made me feel everything. You have seen my insides, the chaos I carry. You left me bare and vulnerable. You left me. You left me bleeding. Skinned alive and bleeding, barely breathing. 

I get a rush of emotions when I think of you. It’s like my heart swells up with the immensity of the pieces left behind. Of the feelings that never left, and slowly they start to dagger out ripping at the seams of my heart because we all know, you don’t belong in there, you’re not mine, you’ll never be mine and my heart was never able to handle you.

I think I think too much.

I keep wondering why people are so cruel.

Why Why Why.

So many Why’s.

They are so many ways to break a person.

To shatter their being.

Make them question their existence.

Penetrate their heart forever damaging their soul.

Not giving a single fuck.

Broken promises.

Meaningless words.

I love you

Forever modified.

Who am I?

They break you. The mend you. They change you.

Its a fucking cycle.

One person breaks you.

Tips you over.

You break the next person.

Tip them over.

Life is an endless domino act.

We all break each other.

We are damaged.

Poisonous.

Infectious.

It never stops.

We strive from pain.

Instead of stopping to help the other person up.

We populate misery.

We push.

We fall.

We grow bitter.

We become cruel.

We are all cruel.

Why?

That moment when you can actually feel your heart deteriorating and all you can do is close your eyes, let it happen and pray it doesn’t kill you.

or pray that it does.

Ache.

There is this ache in my chest that wont seem to dissipate.

It is strong.

Unwavering.

It quavers all over.

I can feel it cascading down my body.

From my fingertips to the core of my soul.

Waking up the nerves and senses I thought were long asleep.

Blood flowing faster, pumping harder.

It animates the thoughts in my brain I had put to rest.

Mirrored images creeping.

Lost shadows surfacing.

Tears kept imprisoned.

A million feelings seizing.

I am losing all control.

There is this ache in my chest.

And I am starting to believe it was meant for me.

I kept thinking that I would never find someone like you. But now, you are just like everyone else.

LLMNS